TWFC

It kicked off as a very cagey affair stalemated at 0 - 0 for a significant period, the tactical battle was periodically interrupted by some children who thought it was ideal fun to throw their foam rugby ball on to the pitch and sneak in to get it. Eventually Scott applied parent - child transactional analysis to the situation and sternly told them that further transgressions would lead to their ball being confiscated. Amazingly this worked and the children thereafter, in good reverse Edwardian style, were heard but not seen.

The close fought encounter then went to 1 - 0 and eventually 3 - 1 to the Dark Tops. Danny was chastised for not having been able to score; this proved to be the wrong thing to do. It can be likened to walking in the woods and prodding relaxing bears. Not only was Danny righteously indignant but also Ben, Koonal and Steve, fresh back from his pre-season tour of the Americas, joined the scoring.

The Light Tops drew level then raced ahead. Ben moved on to a debut hat trick. Behind at something like 7 - 5 the Dark Tops claimed a penalty for the infringement of two men in the goal area in a stick keeper match. Steve, the keeper, said he could not comment. When asked for a view Danny said confidently 'it looked like momentum' It is not clear who Momentum is or how that could account for having two people in the box but the Dark Tops' appeal fell on deaf ears.

Taking heart from this reprieve the Light Tops edged further ahead after the Dark Tops stopped for a head height infringement. Danny now ably assisted by Koonal in the Board of Arbitration role explained that an opposition call of heads is negated if the other side act so as to play the advantage. The Dark Tops were gently advised to play to the whistle.

Ben's debut proved an exposure to the full raft of experiences the fixture has to offer as he took the ball in the face and barely flinched (that means you're hard). He passed his hat trick but in the process stopped a ball with his crown jewels and played on (that means a player is well 'ard!).

As this was going on Jon, Phil and Scott did their best to reduce the deficit with a raft of well taken goals bringing it to 12 - 9 to the Light Tops.

A further head height advantage taken by the Light Tops and explained away quite sagaciously by Koonal meant that when the score was next called for those present accepted Danny's interpretation of the match as 13 - 11 to the Light Tops.

No one knew the actual time but everyone sensed it was really late. It was agreed that the match would end immediately one side scored 15 goals.

The Dark Tops were able to get a goal back and at 14 - 12 to the Light Tops the next goal was probably going to be all important. It went to the Light Tops who had crafted out a memorable victory.

Match ended at 9.45pm and was awarded to the Light Tops 15 - 12.

Things to Note

Ben joins that illustrious group of players who have lit up the fixture with multiple goals on their debut. He is credited with a double hat trick. This tally also catapults him into the league of high scorers in an even sided match.

Steve is credited with revising the head height rules in October 2013. Players may wish to ask Steve, Danny and Koonal to undertake a roots and branch review of both that rule and penalty area infringement guidance.

Finally in this week in which the world lost Robin Williams, in fond memory of him this report ends with a clip from the film Dead Poets Society. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdXhWS7lLvs . "O Captain! My Captain!"

Over and out.