TWFC

andyhibbert     Subscription £5.00
Austin              Subscription £1.00
Avvon               Subscription £3.00
Daniel              Injury Discount £2.50
Daniel              Subscription £5.00
JakeFlowers   Subscription £5.00
Milo                   Subscription £3.00
Scott                 Subscription £3.00

Assorted Tops

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andyhibbert, Avvon, JakeFlowers, JonF, Milo, Scott

Blue Tops

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Austin, Daniel (injured in first half), Jermaine, MarkA, Niyi, VIIGeorgeVII

The old goals are back by popular demand. From a striker's perspective this is good. From a keeper's perspective it is freezing cold so the goal size doesn't matter.

Old goals are back after a week away (also notice the eerie light in the garden)

We had no bibs so the initial consideration was to go back to the old fixture of Beards v Non Beards. Six players were identified to have beards. Some had Olivier Giroud like beards but others did not. The problem with designer stubble is that is difficult to see under flood flights so we discounted this. In the end the decision was to play Blue Tops against Assorted Tops (basically blue against every other type of top). This worked and the sides were very even.

Corroborating Steve's assertion from the previous week it was too nippy to stand in goal. I let in about four goals without moving, it was kind of like being frozen to the spot. Blue Tops were playing serious catch up to the Assorted Tops.

This evening VIIGeorgeVII had arrived with new bright boots unlike anything anyone had seen before. They looked like slippers with a sock attached with heel and ball to toe studs. When asked what they were he explained that the stud arrangement and suppleness of the material would make him faster. VIIGeorgeVII is already faster than most players, what more could these boots add to his game? He was told that anyone turning up in crazy bright orange boots was making a statement that they would have to live up to.

Boy the boots were magical. VIIGeorgeVII led the Blue Tops’ attack. The ball would be placed into space and VIIGeorgeVII would see the move as it was unfolding and his boots took him there before other players could react. Suddenly VIIGeorgeVII could see and exploit space with keener perception than even the goal machines JakeFlowers and MarkA. The fixture had not seen this before and the goals flowed through and from him. Even his shots were enhanced, arrowing into the space between the keeper and the rest of the goal.

During this period, in what must have been shock at what he was seeing, AndyHibbert proved that the new fence was still not high enough as he lashed ball over at the Garden End far into the second garden. Players looked uncomfortably at each other. It was a dark night, some probably suspected the fences had been raised and reinforced to keep out things that dwell in the enchanted garden. No one went for the ball. We bravely declared it lost and carried on.

In his first match back in weeks Daniel was up in attack for the Blue Tops. It was 6 -5 to the Assorted Tops when suddenly a crunching tackle smashed Daniel to the ground. He was desperately injured. No one knows how it happened but the suspicion is an opponent had attempted to tackle VIIGeorgeVII who had skipped away into space and the now mistimed tackle had hit his striking partner. Daniel's night was over within 25 minutes of his return. He was unable to take to the pitch in any way shape or form. Like a true gentleman he stayed and watched but played no further part. Daniel receives an injury discount and players wish him well for a speedy recovery.

The fixture changed to 6 Assorted Tops against 5 Blue Tops. The shift in numbers initially confused the Assorted Tops and the Blues drew level and then edged ahead 7 - 6. How do you stop a man in technologically advanced boots? Another mighty tackle felled another Blues player, the force was such that two players over ten yards away also fell to ground. Even Scott seemed perturbed as he was later seen to inexplicitly twice miss an opportunity he would normally have buried.

Finally the extra man began to tell and the Assorted Tops showed their opponents no mercy as they carved out goal after goal to take the score to 12 - 7. The next team arrived but did not open the gate. JonF left. We played on. The Assorted Tops scored two more and we called it a night.

Final score Assorted Tops 14 - 7 Blue Tops

Match awarded to the Assorted Tops who properly smashed their opponents like Man City might do in a cup final.

Things To Note

We discovered that the next team did not open the gate because they had no ball. They offered to buy JonF's ball off of us. We could have made a tidy profit but did not 'cos it was JonF's ball and he is our mate.

As we were getting changed we noticed a player from the other team emerge from the Garden End with a ball. It looked surprising like ours but fair play to them they went into the enchanted garden and got it. Also there was about 14 of them and only six of us left. We pride ourselves on having donated our ball to the local community.

After the match players were still trying to understand how boots could make a faster player even faster.

An artist's impression from players memories of events suggest that VIIGeorgeVII had played in an enhanced boot from Nike.

The boot is advertised as:

‘Designed for the explosive player. A player who demands speed, who puts speed above everything. It is for the player that shows unrivalled acceleration, speed and unpredictability - while letting his opponents taste the dust when being outrunned.’

How can players compete when their colleagues can turn up in such FLYKNIT boots? Nike please send your advertising cheque to Accounts at Tottenham Wednesday FC. By the way the lawyers have advised me to say “Please remember that other boots are available”.

Anyway let's do it all again next match at Tottenham Wednesday FC .

Players are reminded that if it snows the next game may be called off because the centre is not insured for matches to take place outside in the snow.