TWFC

This match provided a veritable footballing cornucopia comprising penalties, a hugely controversial decision, the most prolific striking partnership of the year on song, two veritable rockets of shots, an undefeated record on the line and three of the 'highest goal scorers in a single match' playing on the same side. Phew!!!!

Assorted Tops commenced with 4 men, they were 2-1 down when their 5th man arrived and 3-1 down by the time he was changed. At this stage the lone Assorted Tops goal came from a penalty awarded for a Dark Top outfield player blocking the ball within the area. To unhinge the penalty taker an opposition player gently advised him that Niyi normally dives right. This meant the striker having to work out whether he was being told the truth or whether it was a double bluff. Keeping a cool head Danny struck the ball to his right and scored as the keeper didn't properly commit to either direction. That was the last goal the Assorted Tops were to score for a while as the score was soon 5-1 with Jon and Tim working together to thoroughly annihilate the Assorted Tops defensive frailties.

It appeared as if the Assorted Tops would be on the end of one of those monumental score lines that could traumatise them for weeks to come so they dug in and their three players who had topped the goals in a match charts focused on the task at hand and pulled the score back to 8-4. During this period the Assorted Tops won another penalty from a mirror image area infringement except this time Steve was the keeper. To help Steve he was told by his own side that Scott normally shoots to the left. Unaffected by the mind games Scott scored by putting the ball to his left while the keeper dived the other way to his own left. This left (pardon the pun) the Dark Tops conducting an inquisition as to which 'left' had been meant. Penalties were not the Dark Tops friends this evening.

With the conviction of knowing that the whole of their team were proven goal scorers Nathan, Scott and team mates gradually ate away at the deficit to bring the score to 9-6. During this phase Tim from about 14 yards out hit one of the most spectacular shots seen in recent times. It flew off of his boot like an Exocet missile that would probably have broken the net, unfortunately the ball cleared the bar and its trajectory took it over the fence, over the car park on to the roof of the adjacent gym building and with a single bounce over the roof off into the sky. For those who wish to imagine this shot please view the following link and pretend the kick is a shot hit from open play http://youtu.be/YheRaZraHps . There was no Lothar Matthäus on hand to console Tim, he was just sent to find the ball.

During the Assorted Tops resurgence period Danny, having beaten the goal keeper, struck the base of the left post and the ball sped along the goal line. Marty and Niyi both within a couple of yards of the goal breathed a collective sigh of relief as the ball spun off to the side. Danny unsighted queried whether it had gone in as he had heard/seen the side net rustle. Charles who was somewhere within the half but a fair distance away said he too had seen the net move and felt that the ball had ricocheted off of one post, thence into the goal and out through a hole in the net. Marty and Niyi gently suggested that Charles, whilst not wrong in what he had seen, had in truth experienced an optical illusion* as the ball had at no point gone in. The shot was ruled never to have been a goal and, depending on your point of view, it was either a good call or one of the most scandalous miscarriages of the year. The beauty of not having goal line technology is that these things generate debate for ages after.

Marty, with an unbeaten record to protect, took the game by the scruff of the neck by scoring a wonder goal from virtually only a stride into the opposing half. With no one expecting the shot Marty stroked the ball at the goal from about 19 yards with sufficient curl on it to take it away from the keeper who caught out seemed almost rooted to the spot. Unlike Ronaldinho 2002 or Nayim 1995 Marty had a smaller goal and the head height rule to contend with so he joins Tom in our league of long shot maestros. This took the Dark Tops to 10 goals.

Unable to countenance defeat and stung by the goal from the half way line the Assorted Tops pressed forward and brought the score back to 10 - 9 before the Dark Tops were able to score what proved to be the final goal.

Though some insist it was really 11 - 10 the formal record reads ...

Match awarded to the Dark Tops 11 - 9.

Things to Note

1 Marty extends his personal 100% win ratio, now having played 7 and won 7 matches of the first 12 matches of the new Premier League season.

2 No one has missed a penalty all year.

3* An optical illusion is characterised by visually perceived images that differ from what is considered objective reality.

4 The sound of a net rustling is probably quieter than the noise made by one hand clapping.

5 Jon is known to have scored at least 5 goals and is invited to confirm if he reached the magical multiple hat trick or more.