Subject: Players and Payers 2015_09_30

Payers
JakeFlowers         £5.00 
JonF                     £6.00 
Jorge                    £5.00 
luteusmaximus     £3.00 
Milo                      £3.50 
Quiggerzz First Match Discount £2.50


Players
Mufti
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Johnny, Luteusmaximus, Milo, Niyi, Scott, Quiggerzz (Luteusmaximus's friend - first half)

Orange Bibs
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Ben, JakeFlowers, JonF, Jorge, Steve, Quiggerzz (second half)

We welcomed Quiggerzz to his first match.  He is a friend of Luteusmaximus and quietly introduced himself as a rugby player, not much good at football and would be playing in his brother's boots.  A man from the oval ball game about to play football, it doesn't get much better than that in the year that the Rugby World Cup is hosted in England.  Quiggerzz was reassured that he had come to the right place for a gentle introduction to the beautiful game.

Jorge, fresh from the incredibly crafted victory in the previous match, was separated from Milo in order for the club to see who was truly the master tactician.  Hedging his bets Jorge allied himself with JonF, Ben, JakeFlowers and Steve to ensure he had a strike force a strong midfield and the club's no.1 keeper.  As the numbers were uneven it was agreed that at nominal half time a Mufti player would go over to the Bibs.

Kicking off with a man up it was incumbent upon the Muftis to establish as much of a lead as possible by half time.  Our experience is that the second half is the harder to suddenly go a man down as players are tired and the pitch seems larger.

Early exchanges saw JakeFlowers leather a low ball straight under the goal keeper from about 12 yards out.  This well taken goal announced his team's early intentions.  A ball to Quiggerzz saw him take the sort of short steps a person used to running a couple of yards before being smashed to ground takes.  He then unleashed a decent shot for his debut goal.  Johnny, back after a holiday break, received the ball and from a few yards out, similar to Jake, simply drilled it into the back of the net. 

A few goals were traded, Milo scored, Jorge was gifted a simple run on goal that he gobbled up.  Quiggerzz smashed in another shot from the right to take his tally to two.  He then launched another rocket to complete his hat-trick. From the sort of distance that most players would be thinking of passing Quiggerzz shot again and again, eventually taking his tally to seven and eclipsing  Ben's record of of a debut double hat-trick.  At 8.30pm, with the score standing at 11 - 4 to the Muftis, it was agreed that it was best to call half time and implement the player swap.

The Bibs decided to take Quiggerzz and commenced the second half with the extra man and a deficit of seven goals to overcome.  Muftis looked to Milo and Scott to orchestrate some form of defensive innovation for the next half hour.

The Bibs had no option other than to come forward and this made it very difficult for the Muftis to pick a player from goal kicks.  The newly rejuvenated Milo seemed to thrive on this challenge and, in a replay of the previous match, set up a barricade around the Muftis' goal that broke down attack after attack from the Bibs.  To their credit the Bibs scored some goals but not the hatful one would have expected.  Then suddenly  the ball went - Johnny to Scott on the right, Scott draws in two players, Johnny runs on and points to the place he wants the ball.  Scott obliges.  Johnny takes the pass in his stride and scores.  Over a dozen years of playing together showed.

Quiggerzz, allegedly still finding his feet in football, scored twice more, mainly with shots from just inside the half that seemed to still be accelerating even as they hit the back of the net. Just when keepers thought they had survived Tim, Nathan, Avvon, Samberry, Jorge and a host of other uncompromisingly powerful strikers of the ball, along comes Quiggerzz in his brother's magic boots!


An artist's impression of a Quiggerzz shot

One of the best goals of the night was a Quiggerzz' shot that was struck from so far out, with so little back lift, that the keeper was still looking for the ball in the opposition half when it struck the back of the net.  Everyone stopped in wonder.  He was then asked if he had shot from inside his own half?  Quiggerzz said he had.  Under our 'rules'  this meant the goal was ruled out.  Players were astounded.  Feeling like the Grinch who stole Christmas Niyi was apologetic.  Quiggerzz simply confirmed to all concerned that rules are rules and we must play by the rules.  In that moment we learned the beauty of the discipline code of rugger.

Despite being numerically disadvantaged the Muftis were still scoring.  With the game at 14 - 8 to the Muftis the other team began to arrive.  Niyi took a goal kick that was supposed to be a long, low ball to set Luteus, Scott or Johnny on one final attack.  It went wrong and sailed into the air breaching the head height rule and requiring a re-take.  JonF in the opposing goal was distinctly unimpressed at what he perceived as time wasting and had to be persuaded that the rules did not allow him to penalise this with a goal kick of his own.

The other team began to congregate at the gate.  We like their approach because they always allow the last passage of play to be completed before walking on.  The ball fell to Ben who opened his stride and glided past players, determined to at least score the final goal in consolation for the BIbs.  One on one with the keeper he launched a low shot into the bottom left corner then pulled up in astonishment as the keeper, he would later recollect, dived and saved the ball with his belly. 

Game over - Milo's Muftis had out gunned the Bibs.

Final score Muftis 14 - Bibs 8

Things to Note

• Quiggerzz impressively joins the band of players who have scored multiple goals on their debut.  His tally of a triple hat-trick (9 goals) is a new debut record and he was only about two feet away from equalling Danny's current club record of 10 in a match (established 16 October 2013 and confirmed 23 October 2013).

• Jorge held a post match conference. In his best Jose Mourinho impression he was heard to say that he could 'remember a time when Niyi was a nice person'. He then complained that now he tries to get away with time wasting.  Jorge is gently reminded that the Bibs had an extra man and were six goals behind with three minutes to go.  It is unlikely that one badly taken goal kick caused the Bibs to lose.

•  Finally, if you ever play poker with Luteusmaximus and he asks if he can bring a quiet, humble, self deprecating player, who says he doesn't really play much, be warned you will probably end up losing your life savings and the shirt off of your back.