TWFC

We welcomed Ali to play for the Orange Bibs this evening. Ali is a regular for the team that play after us, he was quietly watching our match and ended up playing because one of our number did not arrive. MarkA also played as part of his recovery from injury. He designated himself as at least fit enough to be a goalkeeper.

We thank Hagenius for picking sides and acknowledge that the teams he picked were based on what players had affirmed before the match.

It was to be a six-a-side match but the Dark Tops started out with four players and the Orange Bibs with five. With this in mind the fixture agreed that the Dark Tops could play rush keeper and over head height, the Orange Bibs were constrained to stick keeper and under head height.

By the sixth minute, with one player less, the Dark Tops had somehow contrived to lead 3 - 0. There had been a defensive error and a goalkeeping howler so there wasn't much to worry about at that stage. By the seventh minute with their two outstanding players having arrived the Dark Tops were 4 - 0 ahead. These early stages were characterised by the Dark Tops precision passing and scoring with virtually every shot. Note is also made of some of the Orange Bibs being frustrated at their keeper for not telling them where the opposition's attackers were. An interesting conundrum to be fair. At 4 - 0 to the Dark Tops, with Naz and VIIGeorgeVII having arrived, MarkA departed to even up the sides and take on refereeing duties.Teams were now five-a-side. Someone may have asked if the match should restart at 0 - 0 and they may have been politely advised of the sheer illogic of saying such, but I am not totally sure. So 4 - 0 to the Dark Tops both, sides even and we go again.

Naz, announced his arrival in his signature way by scoring a 10 minute hat-trick. Dark Tops 7 - 0 Orange Bibs. In conversation the Orange Bibs keeper confessed to not being vocal enough and making silly mistakes but felt even he had to draw the line at being responsible for his team not scoring at the other end.

On 19 minutes, after probably having discerned that Christmas had come early, MarkA reintroduced himself as a Dark Tops player and brought with him Ali who had come early for the fixture after ours. The only reasonable explanation we can give is that perhaps MarkA's Independent Traders had sold Ali a one off chance to write himself into TWFC folklore by helping the Orange Bibs recover from being 7 - 0 down.

By the 37th minute the Dark Tops were 12 - 0 ahead and on course to equal the club record set on 14 September 2016 . The record was on course to be beaten by the 40th minute when the Dark Tops, now camped outside the Orange Bibs penalty area, had scored three goals in a minute to take themselves 15 - 0 ahead.

On 41 minutes Niyi in goal at one end can be heard to say to the Orange Bibs "...just construct one goal together..." immediately after Hagenius in goal for the Dark Tops is heard to tell his team "...guys let's keep our focus please..." Only long standing readers of this blog will know what both keepers knew was at stake.

At 16 - 0 down, with a minute to go, the Orange Bibs broke away four on two, with stern words from their keeper ringing in their ears they contrived to squander the chance but at least keep the ball. It eventually came back to Austin in his own half who kept it and sauntered almost innocuously up the pitch. MarkA looked at Austin with the disbelief of a man who had just seen Santa Claus, VIIGeoergeVII leant against Austin and gazed at the ball as if it were a bauble from a tree, Hagenius seemed transfixed at the incredible prospect of a focussed Orange Bibs' attack. Single-mindedly Austin caressed a gentle shot that eased past a rooted keeper to make it Dark Tops 16 - 1 Orange Bibs. The next side opened the gate. Spectator Ali went to his colleagues. The Dark Tops had put in one of the most comprehensive demolitions ever recorded, but with the last kick of the match Austin had denied the Dark Tops the ultimate prize of a clean sheet.

Match ball shared between Ed and Naz with five goals each.

Final Score

Dark Tops 16 - 1 Orange Bibs

Things to Note

Dark Tops won by the simple act of marking players rather than space and moving the ball to the player in the best position to score (BILZ96 would have loved this last bit if he had been there). This contemporary version of big pitch is the new gold standard, which has propelled the team of Ed, Hagenius, JonF, MarkA, Naz and VIIGeorgeVII to second place on the all time list of recorded most excellent attack and defence performances.

On social media after the match some Dark Top players were asked to comment on how it feels to have achieved such an historic performance.

MarkA responded "We are not makers of history, we are made by history".
VIIGeorrgeVII responded "Sometimes defending [is] not easy, but it's necessary".
Austin, perhaps still on a high from saving his team from the ignominy of not scoring all night, in his normal quiet reserved fashion, chipped in to say "A wise man also said this ...'Tough time never last only tough people last, bo demi demi' ".

On that sagacious note we end this match report and salute the men who have carved their names in TWFC history.

Let's do it all again next match at Tottenham Wednesday FC.